Warning: Graphic Biospy Details!

The biopsy was oooookay. The people who helped me -- one radiology technician and two doctors -- were all very nice. In fact, they were so nice, and concerned, and attentive, that it scared me a little bit.

They hovered, and told me how brave I was, and said "awwwww" when I told them about the soreness in my chest. The technician patted my leg during the entire procedure, and kept asking if I was okay.

First they used ultrasound to find a swollen lymph node. This caused some confusion. The doctors and the tech discussed how my ct scan had shown "many big, round, nodes". This was news to me! Apparently, the nodes in my scan were prominent. Prominent was a word one of the doctors used several times.

In the ultrasound, however, they could only find one, small, node. I was asked if I had been sick, or had any infection at the time of the scan.

The ultrasound was a big black & white blur to me. I couldn't see anything there. I almost asked them if they could tell me the sex of the baby, but they were so sweet and concerned that jokes didn't seem appropriate.

I was given two injections of an anesthetic... probably lidocaine, but I don't know for sure. The first injection was shallow, and the second more deep. The injections made me wince, but they weren't too bad.

Then they brought out the big gun. In this case, it was a new instrument ... thus the two doctors... one showing the other how to use the new piece of equiptment. It had a fairly thick needle, about six inches long. Obviously, they didn't push it in that far.

They made a small incision under my arm, inserted the needle, which was attached to a red and yellow plastic gun. They guided the needle to the lymph node, using ultrasound, and then "shot" the gun with a loud CLICK and bit of pressure.

They pulled out the needle, and discharged a core sample of my lymph node onto a tray.

Then they repeated that procedure five times.

It did hurt, but not too badly. I wouldn't be afraid to do it again.

I told them that while I was sure that the gun was an expensive piece of equipment, that it looked like a cheap plastic toy from Toys R Us. They laughed, and said that they agreed, and that it probably cost about $500.00, and was for one-time-use.

The doctors agreed that while the samples may well be cancerous, they didn't have the appearance of cancer. They said that I shouldn't be surprised if they come back as non-cancerous.

If the samples are not cancerous, I STILL HAVE CANCER, and there are a few options. I can have an open biopsy (meaning regular surgery) and the surgeon can take a whole bunch (or all) of the nodes to really check 'em.

Or, they can biospy the cancer in my sternum. I don't know how that process works, but one of the doctors described it to me as "very painful". So...

Here I am, with my usual post-cancer-diagnosis bundle o' bad options.

I have metastatic breast cancer whether or not it's in my lymph nodes.

If my lymph nodes are clear, then ....YAY! My lymph nodes are clear. But BOO! Now I have to have further, more invasive testing to get a pathology on a new tumor.

If my lymph nodes are cancerous, then YAY! I don't have to have further testing. But BOO! I have cancer in my lymph nodes, which makes it more likely to show up more quickly in other organs (liver, brain, et cetera).

So, any way you cut it (or stab it with a needle), it sucks. I can't even identify the best case scenario this time.

When I was getting dressed the tech told me twice that I had "nerves of steel". I think that the procedure isn't really that bad, but probably many of the women who come in for it are distraught to begin with. Fear, coupled with those super nice doctors... that could make any woman weep.

Eric was waiting for me in the waiting room, and off we went to work. Now I'm just waiting to hear results.

As always, we shall see.