Refuge of the road.

We are spending a second night in Kellogg, Idaho -- partly because it's such a pleasant town and hotel, and partly because I've had a bit of a cold, and I felt like I needed a day of quiet recooperation.

This morning we drove out to Coeur d'Alene. The lake is beautiful, and the town is tourist-y but still nice. I loved the old (late 1800's) houses. Driving around I was filled with a longing to buy one of those pretty houses and move to Idaho. It seemed simple. Live in Oakland and have cancer, or live in Coeur d'Alene and be healthy!

I've loved this trip -- nine states, and six of them I'd never even been to before -- but there's also an element of running away. That doesn't take away from how great my travels with Eric have been. Still, as soon as I go home I'll be on the cancer train again. Is it any wonder I want to jump off the back of the caboose?

We walked around downtown, had lunch, bought Christmas ornaments and penny candy, and then went for a drive around the lake.

When we returned to Kellogg, we went on a tour of an actual gold mine. Most gold mine tours are full o' baloney, but this one was the real deal. The cave was soooo interesting. We do love caves, and this one had wonderful examples of formations that had been growing for just 150 years. We've seen plenty of long ribbons and drapes (a little caving lingo for you), but to see how ribbons start... now that's a rarity.

After the tour we were given an hour to "pan for gold". There was gold to be found, but it was just dust, and it was impossible for us to distinguish between the cold and the pyrite. What we did find were big, pretty, amethysts. (They seed the sand with them... makes it pretty darn fun.) So... we didn't find any gold, but we did walk away with a little baggy of amythest, quartz, citron, and pyrite.

Now we're back at the hotel and I'm tired. My day wasn't as restful as I'd hoped, but it was sure fun. I'm glad to be here, and happy to be moving on tomorrow.

Yell, oh stone!

We are in Kellogg, Idaho, enjoying the hotel air conditioning and hot showers.

We took a day trip to Grand Teton National Park yesterday, and then returned to Yellowstone National Park for a third and final night of camping.

Custer State Park in South Dakota had amazing sparkle-rock and glitter dirt, dramatic rock formations, and tons o' large critters.

Yellowstone was eerily beautiful. There were huge, steaming, pots of mud, boiling pools, acid pools, and boiling acid pools. It was all stark, crazy looking, and sulphur-smelling. The ground spat and sputtered. Wow.

The Grand Tetons were just plain purty. There were wild flowers, ragged, ice-capped glaciers and bright blue lakes.

I don't know what the plan is for tomorrow, but tonight I'm enjoying these crisp hotel sheets.

Rain, rain, go away.

Yellowstone doesn't have sparkle diamond dust in its dirt and rock (like Custer State Park) but it's sure impressive. I knew about Old Faithful -- everyone knows about Old Faithful -- but I didn't know that Yellowstone is a huge, active, volcano. There are 10,000 thermal features here, from geysers to hot springs to bubbling mud pots. Steam spurts out of the ground unexpectedly and rotten-egg-sulfer smell abounds.

It's really crazy & interesting.

We went on a two hour, ranger led, discovery hike this morning and learned lots about the geophysics of it all.

Now it's raining cats and dogs, and we happened upon this village at Mammoth Springs.. the first place my cell phone has worked. So... I'm updating!

I need coffee.

We spent the night in Cody, Wyoming -- made too many stops to get to Yellowstone yesterday in time to get a camping site.

Now we're up and getting ready to head out to the park. It should be an hour or so drive, but we expect construction delays.

I like this picture of Eric. I think he'd make a fine addition to Mount Rushmore.

Heads up, Christian Right!

Buffalo's a pretty little town, but we're anxious to get to Jellystone. I have a hard time living in a world of "first come, first serve" camping, and two weeks of vacation hasn't made me any less nervous about unplanned sleeping arrangements.

When will the NPS will be targeted by the Christian Right? Time and time again, official government pamphlets make referance to "prehistoric life", "primitive man", "primitive life forms". The Badlands have been home to humans for 10,000 years.

Doesn't this make their Christian blood boil? Don't they want disclaimers -- at the very least stickers -- saying that there's another, devine, explanation for all of this?

Those elite, California, activist, liberal, demoncrat, pacifist, heathen, carbon-daters!

On The Road Again

The Badlands were gorgeous as the sun set. My pictures could never do it justice, of course. We are two weeks and two days into our roadtrip now. I miss my friends but I'm not yet anxious to return home.

It's so comfortable and easy to travel with Eric. Being with Eric was always the high option for me -- it's never been hard, but it's still gotten better, and this trip really makes that clear to me.

We're off again... heading to the other side of the Black Hills.

Boy, it's flat here.

Rapid City, South Dakota is an unlovely city, but our hotel has a good pool and hot tub. We're relaxing in our room, and will head out to the Badlands late this afternoon. We're going to watch the sun set.

Yesterday we went to Wind Cave -- another interesting cave, and 300 more steps for us (but mostly down).

We also went to Mount Rushmore. I have opinions about Mount Rushmore (surprise, surprise) but I won't go into it here. I will say that even though there's no objective historical truth, it does seem a bit unctuous to be waxing poetic about Roosevelt's handling of Indian affairs in the very hills that are symbolic of the United State's massive double-cross of Native Americans.

Also: While in D.C. I found myself being reminded of how and why a given place, person, or event was important. There was much to-do about the significance of this document or that room... there was very little horn blowing and rah rahing about American values and presidents and whatnot. The visitor center at Mount Rushmore should take a lesson.

Yesterday was a serious wildlife siting day. In addition to deer and squirrels and a bunny rabbit... I also saw, for the first time, a bald eagle, buffalo, prarie dogs, and prong-horned antelope.

Finally, yesterday evening Eric and I attended an interesting lecture about the CCC.

When I die I won't be leaving very much behind. I won't leave a book or bridge, a building or a monument, or even a little swaddled bundle of DNA. All that will be left of me are peoples' memories, and that'll be a mixed bag, for sure.

In the gift shop at the Custer State Park, I saw a Christmas ornament I really liked. My weakness, y'know.

I had it in my mind to buy it, and then I thought, "Why do that? Why leave Eric with one more useless thing of mine to deal with when I'm gone?"

I don't want to leave Eric with burdens... the burden of grief, the burden of stuff, the burden of memories....

I'm not sure what's a burden and what's a gift. Sometimes I don't know my blessings from my curses. A mixed bag. Who knows....?

Wednesday Morning

Another beautiful morning in Custer State Park. Yesterday Eric and I were busy campers again. We went to Jewel Cave National Monument, because we can never pass up a cave. The tour was taxing for us (over 700 stairs) but beautiful -- gorgeous formations.

Then we went to see the Crazy Horse monument (in progress). It was more interesting than I'd anticipated. On one hand, what they're doing to that mountain is pretty gross. On the other hand, the scope of the project is sort of fascinating, and the Native American museum and information center were good. I bought a book about Crazy Horse and the battle of Little Big Horn. The first half was annotated and scholarly. The second half...? A conspiracy theory: The Federal Reserve and a 10-person Jewish banking cartel really caused the battle of Little Big Horn to happen. Wow.

Again & again on this trip we are reminded of how the Native Americans were royally screwed by "Manifest Destiny"... which is Christianity, in case you weren't paying attention in 8th grade history. What I found admirable about the Crazy Horse monument is the inscription they plan to put on it... in huge letters... which essentially says, "Oh no you DIDN'T!"

Then we went for a swim. Then we had dinner.

Then we went to see Guys and Dolls. Honestly!

There's a professional/teaching theater here in the park. It's craziness! The whole gang lives here in the summer, in an old camp that used to house the CCC. All summer long it's, "hey, kids, let's put on a show!' And they did!

I love a big dance number!

Today we're headed out to Wind Cave, Mt. Rushmore, and we hope to find some buffalo on the way.

Eric's ready to head out, so off we go.

Written on Monday, but couldn't connect until Tuesday.

I love Custer State Park in the Black Hills. The ground here is littered with quartz, some of it snow white, and some veined with red, pink, and black. Huge granite and limestone bolders are dappled with quartz and mica. The shiny mica is everywhere -- even the dirt is filled with mica -- some tiny specks and some flakes as large as the nail on my little finger. Everywhere the sun hits dirt or rock or boulder, it sparkles with tiny diamonds.

We're camped in a grove of ponderosa pines. Every once in a while the treetops in the distance start to murmur, then it grows louder and louder until a wind roars through our camp. It made for a nice, breezy, nap after we set up camp this morning, and went for a short hike along the ridge behind our campsite.

We went to the visitor center and learned a bit about local flora and fauna. Next we went for a swim. The lake is (I'm estimating, but I'm not good at this spacial stuff) about 200 yards from our site. It's small, and surrounded by pines. It's a clean lake, with lots of flow and happy-looking fish. It took my a while to get in up to my neck, but Eric jumped right in, of course.

Now Eric's making dinner, after troubleshooting a problem with our Coleman Stove. MacGyver has nothing on Eric. I think he fixed it with olive oil. For reals.

I think that tomorrow we're going to Mt. Rushmore and Crazy Horse, but we haven't worked out the exact intinerary yet. We'll also see Jewel Cave and Wind Cave while we're here. There's more but I'm too sun-and-swim-sleepy to remember.

At nine tonight we're going to see a talk by a park ranger... not sure what the topic is. Sleepy me!

What a trip!

The Colonel's wife chats up Eric at Fort Laramie.

My travels with Eric this summer have been so interesting to me. I've seen so many new things and new places -- I don't know where to begin to describe them. Red Rocks Ampitheater was stuning, and the Phil and Friends show rocked.

This morning we left Colorado, but stopped at a favorite restaurant of Eric's in Longmont, CO. Lucille's is a cajun restaurant, and was right up there with beloved Morning Glory in Ashland, OR. Yum.

We drove across a corner of Wyoming and into South Dakota. In Wyoming we stopped at Fort Laramie, which was very interesting. It's a National Historic Site, having been a calvary and infantry fort, a Pony Express stop, the last civilized outpost on the Oregon Trail, and host to the infantry involved in the Indian wars. It was totally fascinating, and I bought two books about the Oregon Trail.

Now we're at The Bavarian Inn in South Dakota, and I want to explain the weirdness of it all but I'm soooooo tired. I can't do it justice.

I waited in the car while Eric checked in, and overheard the conversation of three men on a terrace above me. They were commerical pilots, working for the same company, and their conversation was so strange to me. In brief, foreigners and blacks get all of the good jobs and opportunities, and yet constantly complain about thier situations. "They roll out the red carpet for foreigners, but I never got a red carpet, I only got grief". "All blacks do is complain, but if they wanted to work they could, look at Peterson, he got the job I wanted and he hasn't worked half as long or hard".

"I never had any help.'

"I never had any advantages."

(Uh... except being born a white man?)

So... we check in, and then head out into town in search of food. Every business we've walked into has been staffed by blonde, blue-eyed, Russians. For reals.

A large, blonde, rosy cheeked family that was dining next to us had a conversation about "foreigners".

We stopped for ice cream, where we were helped by two blonde Russian women who didn't speak enough English to man a ice cream counter. Where are the Russians coming from? It's kind of creepy.

The office staff here in this little bit of Bavaria is NOT Russian, but Eric says there's an Israeli flag in the office. I know they're not Jews. There are no Jews in South Dakota. And the only people flying Israeli flags who aren't Jewish are concervative Christian right-types, who support Israel only because they long for the end times and death of 50% of all Jews (and the conversion of the rest).

Welcome to South Dakota!

We're heading out to Custer State Park tomorrow, and camping.

Saturday in Denver

It was a beautiful drive through the Rockies yesterday -- fields of wildflowers, mountain lakes, and perfect weather. My first impression of Denver was poor and reminiscent of L.A, with sprawling suburbs and smog. I do like downtown, though. There are many beautiful old buildings, and cool places to walk to if I felt like walking in 95 degree heat.

The Phil and Friends concert was fun last night. We're staying in a hotel just three blocks from the Fillmore, which is an old roller skating rink that's been converted to a music hall. The smell of marajuana permeates the hallways here at the Ramada.

Today we're lying low. Eric's been to the pool a few times and I'm in the room trying to make things right with my back, which is still tempermental.

Tonight we're going to see Phil at Red Rocks, and then tomorrow we head out to Custer, South Dakota. We'll stay in a hotel in Custer, and then switch to camping.

I don't have any pics to post, because my photography can't do the Rockies justice.

There's even a Starbucks in this town!

My current favorite CD to play while traveling through large areas of sagebrush and scrub is Joni Mitchell's "Hejira". I recommend it!

Back in the hot summer days of my youth -- Long Beach, CA, where the natives have a hundred different words to describe the color of asphalt -- I used to play a game when I was a passenger in a car. I might be driving out to San Fernando Valley to see Chuck and Mary with Jane, for instance... and as the radio played I'd imagine movie credits in my head. What sort of movie would the song on the radio portend?

I have a new game: what songs should be played at my funeral?

I don't even know if there'll be a funeral for me. In a way it seems like it's none of my business. And who would come? The thought stresses me out. It's like planning any party, I guess, only I have such a controlling nature when it comes to parties. How can I control everything from the grave?

I can't, dammit.

Still, driving along, I've come up with a rough sketch of Martha's Mad Fresh Funeral Mix Two Thousand....

Don't have the exact date yet, of course.

During the fair, Sandy told me how sorry she was that I'm sick, and I felt like it was big and brave of her to even bring it up. No one wanted to bring it up, including me, but there it was.

I told her that I wasn't afraid to die, but struggled with the words to describe what I AM afraid of... and she said, "You're afraid to leave". And that's the truth.

It's a lovely morning, and we're off to Denver, and to the Fillmore for a Phil and Friends concert tonight.

Colorado Rocky Mountain High

We stayed in the only motel room we could find last night -- a dingy, dirty, smoking-room... and it was late, and we were exhausted.

Today we left Idaho and drove across Utah. Much desert-y open space, but also magnificent rock formations and hills... and we came across a field that was painted with wildflowers in every color. There were deep purple, lavender, light blue, yellow, pink, orange, and white. A picture would never do it justice.

Now we're in Colorado, in a nice hotel at the base of the Rockies. We stopped early tonight. Our hotel is clean and pretty. We've gone for a swim and a hottub. I'm enjoying the free ethernet connection. We're deciding where to go for dinner, and we'll have a drink at the hotel bar before bed. Life is good tonight in Steamboat Springs, Colorado.

The best historical site ever.

I wish the person who wrote this marker would write all markers:

"Homestead cabins were so numerous that at night as kerosene lamps blazed from the small windows, the lights viewed from nearby Pine Mountain looked like twinkling stars. It usually took about 5 years for a man to arrive, build a house, fence some land, plow it, put in a crop, wait in vain to harvest, lose his money, get tired of jackrabbit stew, and leave. About 1916 the land rush was slightly in reverse due to crop fizzles and a growing shortage of sagehens, deer and antelope. The June frosts blighted the town of Imperial as well as neighboring settlements and they eventually faded into oblivion with heaps of tin cans, pickle jars, and catsup bottles left as a memorial of these citadels of high hopes. From society's standpoint a serious consequence of homesteading was that it was hard on the land in that most of the acreage should never have been plowed."



The Makenzie River in Oregon today was very beautiful, as was the Willamette National Forest. We stopped in Sister, OR for breakfast and continued to Idaho. Idaho may be famous for its potatoes, but so far all I've seen are dairy farms and cattle.

I felt ok at my brother's house in Eugene yesterday, but today is quite different -- new and odd pains, but I think it's back stuff, and not cancer stuff. Hopefully I'll wake up tomorrow feeling better.

We didn't make it to Salt Lake City tonight, but that's oooooookay.

Still Sleepy!

Being at the fair was great fun, tempered by sadness. Sometimes I felt that the fair was a place for happy people, and that I wasn't one of 'em. I was disconnected from the people playing around me. Other times I saw that there's a vein of joy that runs through the fair -- through sadness and cancer and tired people and all.

Eric knows so many people there, and after seventeen years with Eric I suppose I know them, as well. There were lots of folks that Eric knows as friends, and I as acquaintances, and also many of my friends.

Some of the people who knew I have cancer didn't know what to say to me, which was fair enough because I didn't know what to say to them. They didn't want to bum me out, and I didn't want to bum them out, but really ... if you have cancer, and you don't have the occasional bummed out conversation with the people you love, you're living a phoney baloney life.

Today we're at Paul and Sue's house, and tomorrow we're off to Colorado.

I miss my home and my Bay Area friends, but so far the road trip has been A-OK.

Tired!

It was possible to blog at the fair, but it wasn't easy. Now we're at my brother Paul's house, taking full advantage of soap and hot water.

More later...!

Fair

It's the morning of the first official fair day. I'm drinking coffee while people are stirring in their tents. I hear zippers and velcro, coughs and whispered conversations.

I want to be a part of this, but it's challenging. I don't want to be one of those people whose smile doesn't extend to her eyes -- so if my back hurts, or I'm cancer-sad, I guess I won't try to "turn that frown upside down". But I want to play!

Eugene

It's morning in you Eugene, Oregon and we're getting ready to head out to the fair. We stayed w/ brother Paul and his wife Sue last night, and saw his two daughters, Rose and Kate.

I'm not going to bother taking a shower this morning because I'm going to be a dirty hippie anyway.

We're off!

Road Trip Begins

Today's the first day of our three week (or so) road trip!

Tonight's stop is Eugene, where we'll be staying with my brother Paul -- then it's four nights at the Oregon Country Fair (aka HippieFest 2005).

Eric is excited in that amped up, gears-turning-a-mile-a-minute way. He's adorable.

It's been a nice stop at home. In our few days here we've done lots o' fun stuff. We spent an afternoon and evening with Sister Jane. We celebrated Lisa's birthday, and went to a concert. We hung out with Janis and saw 4th of July fireworks in Oakland, and had dinner with Tom.

I need to finish coffee, take a shower, and throw the rest of my stuff into a bag.

Jesus as fashion statement.

Steve Miller was better than I had anticipated. Eric and I enjoyed the show.

The venue was new to us, as well. We'd never been to Konocti Harbor -- sort of the Branson of the 70's rock set. What's striking about Konocti Harbor is the sale and consumption of alcohol on a grand scale.

Security was letting people into the show with their own alcohol as long as it was in a glass. The ampitheater was ringed with bars -- a continuous strip of alcohol vending -- and there was never a wait of more than 3 or 4 people for a 32 oz margarita or Red Bull with Yegermeister. Ew.

Also: I saw three seperate hippie freak or biker-looking fellas wearing tie-dyed or motorcycle t-shirts that were Christian shirts. One had a Harley overshadowed by a giant wooden cross. One was a wild tie-dye with Jesus on the front (complete w/ crown of thorns) and the lettering "Jesus Freak". And I thought "Abercrombie and Finch" was gross.

Eric spotted a man with two large tattoos running down the back of each arm: White and Power.
So... Steve Miller was great, but i don't think I'll be leaving the Bay Area to go see a non-GD-franchise band anytime soon. People out there are scary.

Back hurts, chest hurts, today & tomorrow to get ready for our road trip. That's my story!

A long shot, but...

Does anyone have a copy of a Stan Getz, Joao Gilberto, and Heloisa Buarque De Hollanda recording of "Aguas de Marco"?

It's a Jobin song, but I'm specifically looking for the version above. I'm not a great fan of bossa nova, but I still want to track this one down. Just look at these lyrics:

A spear, a spike, a point, a nail, a drip, a drop, the end of the deal
A truckload of bricks in the soft morning light
The shot of a gun in the dead of the night
A mile, a must, a trust, a bump, it's a girl, it's a rhyme, it's a goat, it's the mumps
The plan of the house, the body in bed, and the car that got stuck
It's the mud, it's the mud
A float, adrift, a flight, a wing, a hunk of quail, the promise of spring
And the riverbeds talk of the waters of March
It's the promise of spring, it's the joy in your heart.

MP3's particularly appreciated.

DC Pictures

Here's the link to pictures of our Washington, D.C. vacation:

Mr. and Mrs. Price Go to Washington

Eighteen pictures with my two cents thrown in. The pics are kinda big -- sorry to you dial up folks.

Yawn & I love Bay Area Weather!

We're home, and we've slept nearly 12 hours. We're here one day, and then we head out to Kelseyville for a (don't laugh) Steve Miller concert. I didn't know he was still around, either. It just sounded like fun to me!

So... home today (Saturday), gone Sunday, home by late morning (probably) Monday -- and then we're off on our roadtrip on Tuesday or Wednesday. I really need to do laundry and repack.

Washington was amazing.

As engaged as we were in our surroundings, Eric and I rarely thought about cancer. Cancer hit me like a half-ton of bricks when we arrived home.

My oncologist had gone on a month vacation without giving me the pathology results from my recent biopsy. He made a small effort to contact me, but 1) he called the wrong number and 2) he called at the last minute before going on a vacation for a month, so I was unable to return his call.

This made me unhappy. It wasn't that I was so anxious to hear to the results. If I'd contacted him while in D.C. I could have had them -- I didn't want to be bothered! Anyway...

I talked to the oncologist who is covering for him, and he says that my pathology came back as strongly ER positive. This is surprising news, as the tendency is for cancers to become less estrogen receptor positive, not more so.

At my initial diagnosis the tumor was 10% ER+. This time around it's 90+. I kinda think they mixed up the samples or something ... but whatever! The proof is in the pudding, and in this case the pudding is the bone scan I'll be having sometime in August. If the cancer is stable or smaller, this hormonal therapy will be said to be working, and I'll stay on it until it stops.

That's what we want. In a situation wherein it's hard to identify the best case scenario, ER+ breast cancer that responds to hormonal therapy may be it.

I'm going to throw some pics of DC up on a webpage at ohmartha. I don't want to put them here because I don't want to slow down the blog for those dial-up types (like me).

I'll post the link later.