Morning

I woke at around five this morning, but didn't wake up Eric until around 6:30. Somehow, amazingly, we were able to lie there, laughing and joking, for a bit and a while.

Now we're up and doing morning things -- coffee, paper, email. I'm jumpy and nervous and anxious to talk to Dr. Simons this morning. Also, I'm afraid to talk to Dr. Simons this morning.

I'm remembering that my parent's 40th wedding anniversary occured while my mother was sick and dying from cancer. My father bought her 40 red roses, which my mother -- who loved flowers -- barely noticed.

With great sorrow, my father told me that he should have given her red roses for their 39th anniversary. (He wasn't much of a flower-giving kinda guy.)

I don't think that 40 years of marriage seemed like nearly enough to him.

Thirteen years of marriage aren't nearly enough for me. Would it ever be enough? But I do believe, with all of my heart, that Eric and I have given each other roses all along.

This is so maudlin... I know, I know. Just nerves and exhaustion. Please, please, let the results be "inconclusive".