Home

When we're traveling west on 80, heading home from a trip, we start getting excited as we pass through American Canyon. There are few, brief, glimpses of the bay, and then we drop down into a few miles of freeway before we cross the Zampa Bridge into the Bay Area. The bay is always beautiful, and we feel like we're home.

No matter how long or short a trip it's been, or how much we've enjoyed ourselves, we're always happy to be home.

The blackjack tournament was fun. I won $50.00 in the tourney and Luana won $100.00. Eric, Yoko, Luana, and I all had a good time -- and we got in lots of quality blackjack time.

Our summer is winding to a close. If I were healthy, I would be very happy. I'd be thinking to myself: I only have to work 187 days, and then I get to have another wonderful summer with Eric! I would have the illusion of having endless summers.... or, perhaps, I'd be thinking that sure, my time was limited, but not that limited.... my death inevitable, but somewhere in a murky distant future, along with the "right" time to have a baby. Sometime, for sure, but just not now.

It's time to start thinking about how, exactly, I'm going to make it through this school year. The only effective distraction from cancer has been travel. I don't know how to live day to day within the context of work, my summers metered out by stingy gods.

Sometimes I am stunned at how impossible it is to believe that I am dying.