Week End

It's a quiet chemo day. Lots of conversation at the hospital -- yakyakyak, extra blood work, little brain-games to assess my mentation (a word I learned today).

The doctor and nurses noodled for a while, and then I was allowed to receive chemo. My oncologist has a shady-sounding theory as to why I'm groggy and slow. But, anyway... if I don't "wake up" over the weekend I'm to schedule a brain scan on Monday or Tuesday.

I don't have much interest in scans. The more exhaustive the search, the more likely that something bad will turn up. When it comes to metastatic cancer, there's always something bad to be found. For reals. And not much to be done about it, either.

How I feel about my life and future and days and hours has to be tied to something other than health screenings.

I've spent the last four days hanging out in the fog with a hand crank brain. It's not the worst feeling... just ready for a change.