When I read blog entries from September a year ago, Eric and I were very, very, busy. We had plans -- dinner parties, concerts, plays. Every Friday-Saturday-Sunday in September was already booked, and I wrote that I wanted October to be a "no fun" month.
Now it feels like every month is a no fun month.
I don't have the energy for it. I don't the energy for FridaySaturdaySunday activities... for dinner parties and concerts and plays.
I look back at my Old Life -- even my the Old Life POST-fucked-up-prognosis -- with such longing. It makes me cry. It makes me feel like a small hard person with a small hard life. I look backward with jealousy and ahead with dread.
I don't know that memories help.
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