I thought I'd avoided the TBS (Terrible Burning Stomach) when I went to bed at 11:00 PM, but it woke me up a few minutes ago. Not as bad as it's been in the past, but bad enough. At worst it makes me clutch my abdomen and cry for three hours or so.
I dunno, kids. I'm beat. I went to work for two hours on Tuesday, four hours on Wednesday. It was good to clear my desk a bit and to talk to people. I'm glad I went, but can I go tomorrow (today)? Another sleepless night and pain and feeling sick. I can't picture it.
For the first time I've spoken seriously with Eric about what it would be like to stop treatment. They'd keep me comfortable -- probably pretty foggy, I think. But the thought of being kept comfortable... what strange alchemy is this? Is it possible? Would I just sleep all the time? I don't think I'd mind sleeping all the time if this pain would stop.
I'll finish this round of chemo. Two more days of pills. Then Ill speak with my oncologist and see if anything... anything... anything... can make me feel better. So tired. So over it. Done.
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Dear Martha, I am so so sorry about the pain...wish I could come up there and mother you and make everything beter...just a wish. Instead Im just thinking of you and crying too. Sandy
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