In brief

It's hot and the fan is blowing, but I'm still beneath the comfiest blanket ever. Time is funny -- odd funny, and ha ha funny. Pain is persistent, but tomorrow's another day.

Map

Pain makes up the southern and western boarders of my world. Eric to the north, and to the west lies a series of mindless computer games.

I'm walking with such difficulty that it's hardly worth it. I went for a scan yesterday morning and found myself trapped there. I could have called Eric, but he had a class room full of teenagers. I called my friends, but no one answered their phones.

I don't know if I have a fracture or if I'm at risk of a fracture or what.... I just know that I'll be commencing some sort of treatment soon.

How quickly the wheel of fortune turns!

I'm not upset, for the most part -- I may sound it but I'm really not -- I'm just ping ponging between agony and stupor. I've been worse places, but most places are better.

Hmph

I woke up this morning in such pain -- huge and blinding. The pain in my hip was the sun, and I was a planet flying through space around it. It took a while to remember who I am.

I've got my own orbit, dammit.

I suppose you've had enough of that metaphor, huh? Already???

Oh and by the way...

... have you been following the news on Hilary Clinton's association wtih an ultra-conservative congressional prayer group?

It makes me want to scream.

Eh.

Was experiencing some discomfort yesterday and so I left work after just a few hours. Today is the same, but I'll go in anyway.

There are scans on the horizon, already scheduled & seemingly not a moment too soon. I also need to make an appointment for Aredia, the bone-strengthening drug, and to have blood work done. I do & I don't want to take time to make time. It's all understandable.

It's all predictable, and playing out as it should. Of course the pain returns, and of course I'm conflicted regarding commencing treatment. Ho hum.

But oh, summer! Summer with Eric! What a treat.

TB or not TB?

School employees are required to have periodic TB tests. As a courtesy to the district's employees, my department administers free TB tests on the first few days of the school year. The injection of TB serum is subcutaneous -- a little bubble under the skin --and any swelling or hard lumps that remain when the employee returns 48 hours later for the "reading" are measured.

I am sometimes (hopefully just internally) impatient with people who are fearful. Because I don't share their fears I think to myself: what if they ever have a REAL problem?

One woman yesterday was absolutely undone. She was shaking and crying ... sobbing, really ... and clammy and unable to sit down for the injection. I thought she might pass out. I was sympathetic toward her. When it was over she was smiling and needlessly apologetic.

But then there are the People Who Carry On. I suspect them of being consciously dramatic. They returned to have their arms read yesterday with various little bruises, shaken to the core. Petulant, accusing... insistent that the nurses were incompetent or they wouldn't have bruised... sharing their battle stories with each other as if they'd really been through something.

I know that many of them, if faced with.... let's say... the kind of needle experiences I've had in the last few years, might deal with it with grace. People step up. And I never want to be the sort of person who compares lots. No one wins. But, still... enough.

Look at that!

I am surprised to find that I haven't blogged since Tuesday! I guess there hasn't been much to say. I've just been working. Working, working. One week into the new school year I'm already counting the days to the next vacation.

My workplace is considerably less fun this year, as I'm no longer working with my comrade, NM. I'm been left with CN (Crazy Nurse) and AM (Anger Management -- which is the class she had to take after berating my predosessor). Uh oh.

Now it's Sunday evening -- technically Monday morning -- and I'm not feeling super great about... although not super bad, either.

That's all for now!

Tonight

It's promising to be an uberbusy and interesting year at work. I'm not too worried about it. I'm several months out from my last chemotherpy and I'm married to the smartest and nicest fella in (any) town. Can I complain?

I need to contact my doctor and make arrangements for re-staging, but I don't wanna. I will, though. It has to happen.

Other than that... just hangin' out... getting organized for the year... eating Eric's good lasagna... playing Cabbage w/ Graham, who's been our houseguest for a couple o' nights.

That's all I have to report!

Well...

I went to work today. Hawaii one day and work the next.

I suppose that's better than work one day and work the next.

Going Home

I can't believe we're going home today! I don't know why I can't believe it -- we've certainly wrung as much goodness out of the summer as we could. But this morning we don't want to go home. We want more. More goodness.

Also: our house used to be my favorite place in the world, which is a great way to live. I loooooved our house and I looooooved being home. When we would go on vacation I'd be homesick.

It seemed like our house was always full of people and fun and happy diversions. We had parties... dinner parties and dance parties and chair dancing parties and cocktail parties. And we had houseguests... one person would leave and two would replace him or her.

Now my home feels like someplace I stay when I feel sick. There are no more parties. There's no music. There's just chemotherapy and work and impending death and feeling like shit.

So -- yeah -- we don't want the summer to end.

Ima try to drag it out a bit energetically, but I don't know if these old bones will cooperate.

Getting ready for the airport now.